why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
