On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
