i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
