I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
