I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
