uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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