Can i not drive my cunt home
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
