Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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