I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
