Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
