I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
