Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
even my farts smell like vagina
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
