that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
only if we run a train.
done.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
