I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
