I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Where is the hickey?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
