I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
