Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
