I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
