Have you finally orgasmed yet?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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