I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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