Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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