who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
