Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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