If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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