hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
