Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
