i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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