Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
