Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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