I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
