Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I want a musical about memes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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