I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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