i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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