My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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