"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
