You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
this is an emotional support booty call
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
