They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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