I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
