She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
