Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
