I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
