Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
