I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
