Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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