One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
