I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
