well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
