If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
