YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
