her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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