I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
