So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
