Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ttyl tear gas
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
