at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
