This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
